First Month of New Decade and New Year (Jan 2021)

Hello, Anonymous People Reading This!

First month just passed and I try to look back and reminisce about it. 

So January 2021. My fourth semester started in the third week of the month. Before that week, Mom went to our village in Jharkhand in India for the maintenance work of the house which my parents consider home. Unfortunately, though it has been close to home to me, but not enough that I could really consider it home. My mother is still there, a month is going to pass. This weekend Dad will be also going to the village and I hope to maintain my temper against my brother. Also, I started reading Circe by Madeline Miller this month. Though I should say I haven't completed it, and I am ashamed of this fact. My birthday was also this month and I celebrated it without my mother. Felt sad. My day ended with having disappointment with a trusted restaurant and food-ordering app and a carbs-heavy, stomach-filling dinner. It was after a long time I was having that type of dinner in Kolkata. All that type of dinner used to be a staple of my diet in Mumbai, on Sundays. Also, my K-drama addiction is rising, as well as it changed to a new routine. I started watching Run On and Lovestruck in the City, which were ongoing K-dramas, and I have to wait for new episodes every week. Plus on the side, I was also watching some episodes of old dramas or Youtube videos when I was not watching the ongoing dramas. It was a good experience and I am hoping that I do the same with the old K-dramas. Run On ended recently and I hope to write about it in this blog. Lovestruck in the City has four episodes left. I posted two blog posts this month, even though I started typing K-drama review one last year. 

So that was how my month went by. This month has been some sort of reflecting-on-myself month, working-on-myself month, as well as growing-up-with-responsibilities month. I realized that I am like my mother when I do housework duties and try to still them on my brother. I irritate him, just like how mom did to him. Also, being an adult is like this roller coaster ride of responsibilities, duties, finance, and being matured and self-independent. 

I am starting to believe that I have been pretty selfish in my entire life of 20 years. I was, and am a hypocrite as well, though I am not sure about it. In my childhood, I used to be a person, who would always vie to be a good, humble, and bigger person. I would try to be nice to a person but I realised it now, that I have been a very rude person. That's why to be a good person, I have always been afraid to be in any sort of conflict, or to take any sort of opposing viewpoint, which would result in me taking sides and disappointing people, and getting disappointed. 

Also. after my 20th birthday, I felt like, okay I have passed 20 years old of my life here in the world, what are the achievements I have achieved? When I look further than those twenty years, I am reminded of my insignificant 20 years. Though I have been a small and very tiny and insignificant burden to this world, I am reminded of all those tiny insignificant burdens, which can create havoc. 

So, this blog post pretty much sums up those first thirty-one days of this year and decade and what I was thinking. Pretty much those same, repetitive thoughts, which might heavily inspire further posts as well. I hope to try to lessen them. 

See ya next time!

-Anonymous_Indian_Girl